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work at home <- -> Mouth Almighty |
Mouth Almighty
A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 mile per hour, sir." The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar needs calibrating."
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says sweetly from the passenger seat, "Now don't be silly, dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you keep your mouth shut for once?"
The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did." As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"
The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."
The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."
The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU SHUT THE HELL UP??"
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?" (the killer line is next)
"Oh, heavens no, officer. Just when he's been drinking." | | |
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- Pictures, stories, quotes, jokes for work at home moms, poems too: the angel girl, male bashing, the dying Irish nun, Vincent Van Gogh's relatives.
- Bonjour! An American, a Japanese, an Irishman, a blonde in Mexico and a limo Driver. Think of all the people... Indian mating season.
- Watch out! Info on latest identity theft and be aware of the new car-jacking scheme. Things to do in an emergency situation.
- What happens when you... choose a dessert - exercise your brain.
- A Keeper and a computer user over 50. 15 things that it took me over 50 years to learn. 15 kids named Leroy and the Janitor.
- The law is the law - said in court, word for word. Mouth Almighty.
- A Scotch with two drops of water - who says sex can't be funny??
- Before I go to bed tonight - prayer for a woman: Dust if you must, get sick and tired. Housekeeping Philosophy. Quotes by Great Ladies.
- Getting even. People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Why these people were alive, it's safer there than at Michael's - dangerous Glade Plug-Ins.
- Some wonderful answering machine messages and voice mail in heaven.
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- Taken from classified ads in newspapers - Job placement.
- Quick eye exam. Recalled drugs containing phenylpropanolamine.
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- An Irish friendship wish: CASH ONLY PLEASE!
- The truest definition of Globalization - living in 2004. How did we ever survive? Words to live by - put down the burdens periodically.
- Wal-Mart has everything!
- If this doesn't make your day nothing will! | |
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