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work at home <- -> crazy musings

Some crazy musings

1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
 
2. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
 
3. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?"
 
4. I don't do drugs anymore. I get the same effect just standing up fast.
 
5. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."
 
6. I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here.
 
7. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
 
8. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
 
9. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.
 
10. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and sh*thead's.
 
11. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
 
12. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore, I am perfect.
 
13. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
 
14. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
 
15. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
 
16. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
 
17. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
 
18. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"

 

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More

- Somebody said: The world needs mean moms! I've learned... a few words of wisdom and a wonderful message by George Carlin, the list to live by if you only have 5 days left.
- Pictures, stories, quotes, jokes for work at home moms, the angel girl, male bashing, the dying Irish nun, Vincent Van Gogh's relatives.
- Bonjour! An American, a Japanese, an Irishman, a blonde in Mexico and a limo Driver. Think of all the people... Indian mating season.
- Watch out! Info on latest identity theft and be aware of the new car-jacking scheme. Things to do in an emergency situation.
- What happens when you... choose a dessert - exercise your brain.
- A Keeper and a computer user over 50. 15 things that it took me over 50 years to learn. 15 kids named Leroy and the Janitor.
- The law is the law - said in court, word for word. Mouth Almighty.
- A Scotch with two drops of water - who says sex can't be funny??
- Before I go to bed tonight - prayer for a woman: Dust if you must, get sick and tired. Housekeeping Philosophy. Quotes by Great Ladies.
- Getting even. People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Why these people were alive, it's safer there than at Michael's - dangerous Glade Plug-Ins.
- Some wonderful answering machine messages and voice mail in heaven.
- Meow! Catholic parrots eating popcorn and dog truths.
- Taken from classified ads in newspapers - Job placement.
- Quick eye exam. Recalled drugs containing phenylpropanolamine.
- Service? You'd see this only in...
- An Irish friendship wish: CASH ONLY PLEASE!
- The truest definition of Globalization - living in 2004. How did we ever survive? Words to live by - put down the burdens periodically.
- Wal-Mart has everything!

- If this doesn't make your day nothing will!

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